Marianne drew herself to her full height (5 feet and half an inch) and inhaled deeply before slamming her fist into her husband’s nose. “You, sir, are a schmuck!” she declared in her least gentle tone as she shook her fist. Kevin’s nose began to bleed, red rivulets running down his moustache into his mouth and beard, he looked beautiful and angry. “Thank you darling, you are doing a fine job of acting the shrew this morning. And may I say, you hit like a girl and you look like a lame octopus on crystal meth.” Marianne began to smile and curtailed the expression turning it abruptly into an angry frown at the last minute. “Well it is very kind of you to say so Kev, I have been working on it and I am glad that you noticed.” “Oh, yes” her husband replied “I noticed when you woke up and shoved your elbow into my ribs; you’re doing any excellent job love, honestly, you nearly cracked a rib!” Marianne frowned lovingly at her husband, “Oh I’m glad. I really have to get going dearest, have a horrible day.” she said before turning on her heel and heading out the door, hoisting her handbag over her shoulder as she went.
Kevin watched as his wife headed out the door and off to work. He couldn’t have felt more grateful to have met her, he was certain he was the luckiest man alive. When they had met Marianne had been a timid little creature, she told him she’d never even slapped anyone in her life, let alone punched someone, he’d been utterly charmed by her. Kevin headed to the bathroom and held a flannel under the tap and waited as the cold water soaked into it, then he gently dabbed the blood out of his beard, smiling to himself as he went about his business. What a lucky fellow he was, to have a wife who would lovingly beat him in the morning, he knew that his friends envied him. He had seen Bob at the supermarket the previous day, Bob had remarked on how purple his eye was. Poor Bob, his wife hadn’t hit him in months, and Kevin knew he was starting to suspect that her heart had gone elsewhere. Apparently, Bob’s wife had even started saying nice things to him; she even tried to kiss him! Kevin shook his head in silent pity for his friend, poor devil; she clearly didn’t love him anymore.
Note: This piece is an inversion of behavioral expectations in a healthy relationship. That is, I have inverted the power dynamic in the marriage relationship, I have switched all 'loving' interactions for violence, and I have changed the behavioral expectations accordingly. The idea that hitting, or beating, a spouse is acceptable, for their own good, or in any way loving is absurd, and as such I would describe this as an absurdist micro-story. In reality this is a social comment, because my augmentation of relational expectation is the reality for some relationships, excepting the acceptance of the 'acted upon' spouse. The purpose of this micro-story is to encourage critical consideration of domestic violence in society.
I do not condone, in any way, violence and violent acts in a domestic household or any other context.